When a broken-hearted Kathy Buchanan heard about the love guru who promises to find your soulmate, she couldn't wait to enlist...

If marie claire had asked me to attend a relationship course a month ago, I would have politely turned down the assignment (and giggled slightly smugly about it to my friends). After all, at the time I was happily ensconced in a promising new six-month relationship and excitedly waiting for my boyfriend to arrive home from a long holiday. Then he decided to stay overseas indefinitely and, er, dump me.

Crying myself to sleep for the past few weeks was getting me nowhere fast. I had to face up to the fact that, at 34, I didn't know nearly as much about relationships as I'd hoped. So, if there was a secret to lasting love, I definitely wanted to hear it. Perhaps Myths, Mirrors and Magic, this weekend course hosted by self-help guru Dr John Demartini, was the unexpected answer to my - and Mum's - prayers. Demartini's promise is that, by course end, we'll all know how to find or keep our soul mates, discover the laws of lasting relationships and understand our underlying belief system and its potential to sabotage or save relationships.

I'd normally still be in bed at 9am on a Saturday, but instead I'm trying to 'cleverly' hide behind a newspaper while sneaking looks at the self-helpers assembled at a bland function room in Sydney's Crowne Plaza hotel. To my relief they all look very friendly and normal - the kind of mixed group of 20 to 60-somethings you'd expect to see at a suburban family barbeque. Not surprisingly, there are about twice as many women as men gathered around drinking coffee and happily chatting. There seems to be an even mix of singles, recently broken-hearted hopefuls like me, and couples who are here to improve their communication skills and ensure their love lasts.

I start chatting to a friendly blonde called Emma Brown, 27, who is the Managing Director of networking group Business Chicks. Emma tells me she's happily living with her boyfriend of ten months. When I look confused and ask why she's here she answers, "My partner Rowan and I want an extraordinary relationship. Friends look at us and wonder why we'd want to attend a seminar like this because we fit together so well. But, we both want the secrets to a relationship that will last forever."

They're not the only couple with such high hopes. Marina Shubina, 25, a stunning model and her fiance Daniel Noble, 29, a tall, dark and handsome property developer, explain, "This course was great timing for us as we are getting married in three weeks. It will help us grow individually and as a couple," says Daniel. Marina looks at Daniel lovingly, squeezes his hand and adds, "If our marriage is going to work we need to learn. Many couples think, 'we'll be happy once we have this or that' but there will always be problems."

As the course starts I place in front of me a cardboard placard which carries these words of wisdom from Demartini, "No matter what I've done or not done, I'm worthy of love".

When Demartini finally appears I'm intrigued. He's a dapper American, originally from Texas, with sparkling white movie star teeth and floppy black hair. In his slick navy Versace suit, matching pink handkerchief and silk tie he looks much younger than his 52 years. He describes her personal oddysey: at six, he was told a learning disability would prevent him from ever writing, reading or communicating; at 14 he'd had left home for California to be a surf bum, living on the street and at 17 was aimlessly hanging out surfing in Hawaii. It was there he had a near death experience and suffered from strychnine poisoning. This led him to him to meet his mentor, Dr Paul Bragg, a 93-year-old doctor who turned Demartini's life around and made him repeat the daily affirmation; 'I am a genius and I apply my wisdom'.

From there, his life took a rather different path, after taking a science degree at the University of Houston, he then graduated with his doctorate from the Texas Chiropractic College and at 26 and opened a successful chiropractic practice. Determined to prove his first grade teacher wrong and become a master communicator, Demartini decided to pursue his interest in what he calls the Universal Principles of Life and Health full-time. Having established himself as a sought-after international speaker (in more than 50 countries) and author of more than 40 bestselling self-help books, he is now a Rolls Royce driving multi-millionaire, with homes in Australia, Europe and America. The former partner of Australian psychic Athena Starwoman (who died of breast cancer in 2004) he even has an apartment on the luxury cruise liner, The World. His current partner is Star, 35, a glamorous Texan he met at one of his book signings.

He's also a darling of the celebrity world, with a list of clients that "must remain unnamed" including Hollywood actors, a Duke and Duchess, magistrates, soap stars, elite sportspeople and, er, game show hosts. "I'm an inspirational, not a motivational speaker," Demartini explains to the 70-strong throng, which stares back expectantly. With a course fee of $1,295 ($2,290 per couple) we don't want to waste a minute.

"I want you to simply commit to finding your way to the heart of love. Open your mind and soul with me, and I can promise you we'll get there together," he says, walking dramatically around the carpeted room, making sure to meet as many eyes as possible. Demartini stops his 'love lecture' every 20 minutes or so to write on the butcher's paper set up at the front of the room and we all dutifully scribble down notes.

He's a tad wacky with cheeky Benny Hill-style sexual innuendo smattered throughout his romantic philosophies (which clearly amuses the crowd) and I instantly like him. At first, some of what he says goes completely over my head. But when he talks about feeling angry with your partner, as a result of unmet expectations, I tune right in. "Fantasy and anger go together," he contends. "Our anger is a feedback system to our psyche - trying to wake us up to our fantasies. It is a myth thinking that another person is 'supposed' to make me happy. The reality is, you will experience both happiness and sadness in a relationship." So much then for the fairytale knight in shining armour coming to rescue us from our overflowing credit card bills and long, lonely nights.

Demartini admits there is no way to eliminate pain from our partnerships. "No matter how many books you read or how many seminars you do, you will always experience happiness and sadness," he says sincerely.

Next, we are asked to choose the trait we most dislike about a partner or, in my case, an ex. I pick 'selfish'. Grrr! Then we are asked to list ten ways to turn this negative into a positive benefit to us. At first I think Demartini's crazy and stare at him blankly, wondering if selfishness can ever be a virtue. But, he explains, to a silent room of similarly confused people, the exercise will enable us to appreciate people for who they really are, not who we perceive them to be. After 20 minutes I've amazed myself with a list of genuine positives about my ex's egocentricities. For example, as someone who doesn't always put myself first, him being slightly self-centred has actually motivated me to focus more on what I want. I decide that following my own path in future will make me less resentful of others.

Huh! Here I was thinking - or at least secretly hoping - that Demartini was going to give me a magic love solution and, hey presto, the perfect boyfriend would appear and all my problems would be solved. Just like in that Tom Cruise movie Jerry Maguire, my Mr Right would 'complete me'. But it seems as though, like everything in life, finding a partner requires a lot of hard work and internal naval gazing (when I'd probably prefer to be watching an Orlando Bloom movie marathon).

At 6pm we are given our homework, which is to determine our "hierarchy of values" and that of our partner or ex. My top five are: the people I love, work, socializing, movies and books. Apparently it doesn't matter if our mate's values are different; in fact it's fine if they are. But Demartini says we need to look at relationships in a competitive way, similar to our careers. We need to learn our partner's value system and make sure their needs are being met, along with our own. This could be as simple as actually suggesting your boyfriend go away for a weekend with his mates while you spend some quality time with your girlfriends. You both get what you want and are happy to chill together on the Sunday night - content that your individual values have been met.

On the way out I start chatting with a petite blonde and a calm demeanor. Natalie Smith, 37, is a business owner currently going through a divorce and a Demartini devotee - this is her 13^th course in just two years. "He has really helped me let go of my marriage," Natalie enthuses. "I used to fantasise about how my relationships should be and how my partner should be. This weekend was about breaking free of past fantasies and letting go of baggage. Dr Demartini's work has changed my life."

The lesson continues the next day. Like Natalie, I'm realizing that the key to experiencing true love is not ever having any illusions about the other person being perfect. "People regularly and quite unconsciously project their values onto others, expecting friends, lovers, children, and colleagues to live according to a set of ethics and morals that reflect their own values," Demartini explains. "They set themselves up to experience perceived disappointment and even betrayal this way. And then they think that other people, or even the universe, does things 'to' them, instead of acknowledging that they have created this illusion by not recognizing and honouring other values."

I feel utterly exhausted by the end. This doctor of lurve, who has been an energetic and excitable teacher, is received with a round of thunderous applause and a standing ovation from most of the room. Adoring fans seeking some one-on-one advice quickly surround him.

While they're having a love-in I chat to an angelic looking 25-year old university student, who wishes to remain anonymous.

Like me, she has recently had a break up, and after 10 workshops claims Demartini's had a profound affect on her life. She stares me straight in the eye and says, "Dr Demartini has completely changed my life".

An I'm amazed to find I agree with her. Not in a jumping up and down on couches, Hallelujah kind of way. But in knowing there's already been a positive shift in the way I look at past relationships. While I went along expecting to find my soulmate as soon as I walked out the door I now know it would take weeks, months or even years. But at least now I'll know what to look for."

For more on these courses go to www.drdemartini.com

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