Two blue eyed blonde cuties grace the cover of the women's mags this week. No, not Shane Cortese and fiancee Nerida - but their one year old son Kees and the most famous of Hollywood tots, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. Seperately, you understand. They don't know each other. If I get my way Shiloh J-P will marry Heidi Klum and Seal's son Henry - although should they ever combine their genes I think the whole world would explode in an overload of cuteness.

But I digress.

Shiloh and Kees (whatever happened to names like John and Sally, btw?) take the front pages for remarkably similar reasons. Both sets of parents are planning a wedding - although in Shane and Nerida's case it's a fact and in Angie and Brad's more like a mystical fable from a magical far-off land.

Fight! Fight! New Idea (which has gone and got itself a makeover) will have you believe that it's handbags at dawn for Angelina Jolie and Brad's mama, Jane Pitt. Of sensible mid-West stock, Jane didn't take too kindly to Angie's idea of naming her impending twins after her late mother, Marcheline Bertrand.

"If the twins were girls they were going to call them Marchel and Line," says the mag "and if they were boys they'd go with Marc and Leon."

I heard they'd already been born and were called Isla and Amelie, and also that Angie was gunning for Castor and Pollux, the twins of her (and my!) star sign, Gemini. Also, the brothers from Face/Off.

Anyway, Brad sided with Angie against his mama and now everyone's miffed.

Speaking of Hollywood's chosen child, it's battle of the Hollywood babies in the Weekly this week. Suri Cruise vs Shiloh J-P. Who'd take out the title of queen of all she surveys?

Suri boasts dresses with price tags in the hundreds, the fanciest of haircuts, and Xenu. Shiloh looks like an angel, has a brood of brothers and sisters on her side, and apparently single-handedly revived the sales of Cheetos in the US after she was snapped with a bag of them in tow. I am not kidding.

It's no joke either that the mag waxes on about the charmed life and wardrobe of Suri Cruise. A 'friend' mentions that "she seems to have perfected that kind of cool star that top Paris models have."

Puh-lease! The kid is two years old. The intense stare this 'friend' saw was probably Suri's concentration as she squeezed one out into her Pull-Ups.

Ashlee, Pete, pregnant, yawn. Now I'm as surprised as you all must be that I couldn't find anything narky to say about Ashlee and Pete's wedding spread in NW magazine, but that's because I love it! I must be getting soft.

You must have a look at these pics. She looks beautiful, he laid off the guyliner, they flew in 10,000 Black Magic roses from Ecuador. Picture perfect! I usually have no time for dogs dressed up in novelty outfits but check out the pair's dog Hemingway in his wedding collar. Adorable!

And their Alice in Wonderland-themed wedding cake is to die for.

On the other hand, Jessica Alba's no-frills wedding cost $45. Sadness. Her family didn't even know. Ironic for someone called Cash, no?

Unfortunately big sis Jessica looks a tool again, no matter how hard she tries. And what's with the rumours that her dad, the irrepressible Papa Joe, had to call her ex Tony Romo and beg him to come to Ashlee's nuptials to save face for the family's magazine deal. Photos of them ?caught' bumping and grinding look tres awkward.

Girl, your music sucks and you are as thick as two short planks. But you seem like a good sort and more people than you'd think are rooting for you so please, please get some dignity.

NW's report about Jude Law and Kimberly Stewart hooking up at a tacky Essex nightclub is just cementing Jude's decline down the slippery slope of hotness. Remember around the time of The Talented Mr Ripley when Jude Law had a full head of goldy locks and some sex appeal? I remember seething with jealousy when my cousin's husband told me he'd seen him in the flesh at the Primrose Hill dairy. (He was buying ice creams).

Now he's the proud owner of a massive receeder, he hasn't had a hit movie in ages and he's hooking up with D-lister Kim Stewart.

Anyway, the pair decided they couldn't wait til they got back to Rockin' Rod's (28 and taking guys back to your Dad's house? Sad!) and started getting it on on a neighbour's lawn. Like dogs, if you will.

Sarah Larson, welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you. Here's hoping George's ex saved her shares of the waitressing tip jar for a rainy day, because it's the end of the line for that particular gravy train!

Clooney is the slippery eel of celebrity men, and Larson is the latest in a long line of ladies who has failed to tie the bachelor down.

"Sarah had reportedly been starting engagement rumours in an attempt to get the Oscar winner to propose."

An amateur mistake for a golddigger, wouldn't you say?

Kate and Lance are getting it on! Kate Hudson is a bona fide man eater. Photos of her and latest squeeze Lance Armstrong cosying up in Cannes are splashed across the Woman's Day. Apparently she had that "glow of being in lust." Lance is one of Owen Wilson's good friends - and the pair of them both used to sate Sheryl Crow, who is best mates with Jennifer Aniston, who used to date Vince Vaughn, who's a great buddy of Owen's. Have made self dizzy just thinking about it.

'Brad and Ange: Wedding At Last', the Woman's Day trumpets. I'm not holding my breath on this one, guys. Think back on how many times we've been fed the same old hooha that their wedding is 'just around the corner.'

Anyway, for those of you who actually believe the Day has its odds on a ceremony happening within ?weeks'. A couple must reside in France for more than 40 days before marrying there.

"Brad didn't persuade Angelina to get married, Maddox did," says a source.

I knew it was Maddox that called the shots in that family. He will run the stag do, vet the guest list, and keep an eye on the door to watch out for Jennifer Aniston and Jon Voight trying to gatecrash in disguise. Jennifer Aniston. Jon Voight. Oh my God. Forget John Mayer, I've just discovered a genius way for the Aniston to get a new boyfriend and rattle Angie's cage - date her dad!

Speaking of the other John, apparently Mayer and Aniston are considering getting matching tattoos. Always a recipe for success when you've been dating someone for about three weeks. Next they'll get a puppy and Aniston will start signing her autograph ?Jennifer Mayer.'

But no! Jennifer and old man Jon are meant to be! I would cry tears of joy if that really came true.

And that's all from the mags this week!