I'm lucky. My mum is super smart, extra nice and makes a bacon and egg pie which could be the best in the world. She doesn't have a bitchy bone in her body - which is where we begin to differ.

If you think the mothers of celebrities are no different from ours, you'd be sadly mistaken! Sure, some women with famous children may live an ordinary life, but some - like celebs themselves - are a whole other breed.

Last week Lindsay Lohan's 'momager' (mother-manager) Dina was named ?Top Mom' by a Long Island parenting group. She got a plaque and everything! Mingling Moms president Erica Logiudice called Dina "such a dedicated mom....Through all the ups and downs of Lindsay, she has been by her side."

Yeah, by her side at the bar getting another bottle of vodka.

Last year Lindsay Lohan went to rehab three times and got arrested twice. Dina went clubbing with her daughter, refusing to tell new acquaintances that she was Lindsay's mother - presumably in the vain hope that they'd be passed off as sisters or girlfriends. She dismissed her daughter's frequent hospitalizations as ?asthma attacks' and ?exhaustion.'

Now Lindsay's 21 but looking 40, Dina's turned her attentions to younger daughter Ali, who is 14 but looks 30. Together Dina and Ali are making a reality show, Living Lohan, about Ali's struggle to make it as an actress and singer.

Take a bow, Dina.

"Lindsay's no different than any other 20-year-old girl who's doing some experimenting," Dina told Vanity Fair magazine several days before Lindsay, fresh out of rehab, got arrested for D.U.I. and cocaine possession. "It's just that when we did this kind of thing we didn't have cameras turned on us all the time. What were you doing when you were 20, for goodness' sake?"

Only dreaming of a criminal record as long as your daughters, lady.

Be glad for the mum you've got. I could only imagine the pride which swells when a mother realises that their daughter has had sex on tape with a scumbag - and is now collecting a share of the profits as said tape is released to the public.

Mind you, I'm not Kathy Hilton.

Thing is, it wasn't that much of a big deal to Paris Hilton's parents, although word is Paris' grandfather wasn't best pleased. No sooner had that sex tape hit the streets than the Hiltons were trying to play down its existence.

"The Hilton family is greatly saddened at how low human beings will stoop to exploit their daughter Paris, who is sweet-natured, for their own self-promotion as well as profit motives," read the Hiltons' statement according to Vanity Fair, who ran a feature a couple of months ago on celebrity mothers. (A few years later, according to the magazine, Paris told British newspaper The Guardian that her parents knew she hadn't done anything wrong, and, after all, making a tape of yourself staring at yourself in a mirror while you have sex is, as she put it, "something everybody does.")

Kathy Hilton, a one-time actress, has hosted a reality show entitled I Wanna Be A Hilton, hawked products on a US home shopping channel, and abused the Los Angele judge who ?dared' sentence her daughter to time in the slammer last year.

Wannabe mums. While Dina Lohan (yes, her again!) seems to be living vicariously through her daughters, the ones to watch out for are Tish Cyrus (mother of Miley) and Leslie Panettiere (mother of Heroes star Hayden. These two ladies haven't put a foot wrong as far as I know, but keep your beady eye on them. Both seem to enjoy their daughters' fame enormously and are always in the paparazzi pictures and on the red carpet with their famous offspring.

Mum that puts mere mortals to shame. Is any woman in Hollywood more amazing than Cate Blanchett?

A few days after the birth of her third son, Ignatius, Blanchett was back in the spotlight, attending an environmental summit in Sydney. Why, when most women would be at home attempting to sleep and wearing their baggiest jim-jams? She'd promised she would, and she did.

A mere month after giving birth Cate Blanchett was on the red carpet at the Cannes Film Festival this week, resplendent and showing off her movie star figure in a Giorgio Armani gown. Four weeks afterwards! I wouldn't look like that four years afterwards.

Honorable mention goes to Angelina Jolie, who somehow seems to juggle four kids and twins on the way with charitable work, movie making, flying planes and visiting war zones - all while playing paramour to partner Brad Pitt. Personally I have my suspicions as to whether she's even human or part-cyborg. The Angiebot.

The Mum you'd like to be yours. Goldie Hawn is eternally youthful and seems to have as much fun in her early sixties as she was forty years ago. She looks like she'd listen to your love life woes, give you work advice, and then knock back a margarita with you. Although I wouldn't be much pleased if my mum got her boobs out at the beach as much as Goldie does.

The strict mamas. Odds on Gwyneth Paltrow doesn't let her kids eat anything that hasn't been grown according to the moon and stars and purified by mountain-dwelling monks. Madonna has often said she's the disciplinarian in her house and forbids kids Lourdes, Rocco and David from watching TV.

The down to earth mum. Jennifer Garner is frequently snapped at parks, playgrounds and markets with her lookalike daughter Violet, dressed in sneakers, jeans and baseball caps. Likewise, somehow supermodel Heidi Klum seems to balance modeling work and a hit TV show with spending time around LA with kids Leni, Henry and Johan.

Like mother, like son. Mary Lee Mapother is the spitting image of toothsome son Tom Cruise, but it's unknown if she also has a dash of the crazy.

Which Hollywood mother would you bestow an award on and why? Let me know below.