"Harry and Chelsy: Will their love survive?" asks the Woman's Weekly. Chelsy's dark at Harry because he was late coming to pick her up from the airport, the latest squabble between this fiery twosome. It better survive! I'm on Team Chelsy all the way when it comes to the battle of the royal girlfriends.

Born into a wealthy family, Chelsy is blonde, ballsy and loves the booze. Kate Middleton, on the other hand, looks like she has plenty of ruffled pillows on the bed, stows a hanky up her sleeve and takes care not to catch a chill.

According to the gospel that is Woman's Day Prince William and Kate, his maybe missus, have been living together in his Scottish cottage after rekindling their love affair.

"Kate and Wills' Trial Marriage" the cover blares. Kate, seemingly not too worried about the job she has in London, has been whiling away the days fishing in Scottish streams and delving into Wills' "extensive DVD collection." I bet they watch The Notebook together with a milky drink.

And, get this! They're "usually cooking for themselves". Down to earth royalty indeed.

I'm over William and Kate. They're turning into Ross and Rachel off Friends. Put up or shut up, I say.

"Killer disease unites April and Karen" is the go on the front of the Weekly this week. No, not that kind of disease. It's almost breast cancer month and the tele 'personalities' (I draw the line at calling them stars, okay?) are fundraising for research into the disease.

Karen Olsen studied meteorology for eight years before her arrival at TVNZ, and happily declares she is 41. Take that, Toni Marsh!

Kelly Osborne is looking hot, and her pal Kate Moss is snapped in the Woman's Day on the arm of the modern day It Boy, actor Rhys Ifans. Yes, It Boys can be bedraggled Welsh chain smokers the colour of milk.

He's got the picture perfect modern day family, a hot missus, and zillions of dollars. So why is Brad Pitt living in a dream world?

After Brad opened up to a US magazine about their close and comfortable relationship, Jen is hitting back, something along the lines of Liar Liar, Pants on Fire. The Aniston is peeved that her ex says how chummy they still are, when in fact they are never in touch.

"Angelina ended it for sure," says a friend of the actress. "Who does he think he's kidding?"

Meanwhile the newest addition to the In The Gossip Mags fold, New Weekly, has Brad and Angie declaring that they're ready for more kids. Again. Already. They're saying Angelina's pregnant. I'm not one for phantom pregnancies, but it does seem strange that the skinny Minnie actress has the only curve on her bony body in the stomach area. Luckily there are some too cure pictures of Shiloh to fritter away time before any pregnancy's confirmed.

Just when you thought Jessica Simpson couldn't get any more desperate, word in the New Weekly is that she's trying to convince her gay hairdresser and BFF, Ken Paves (interestingly, the man who walked out on Britney before her disastrous VMA appearance) to father a child with her.

At the ripe old age of 27 Jessica has decided to "give up looking for a new husband" and hook up with her mate instead. Problem is, he's got a boyfriend who's not too keen on the idea.

Britney, Britney, Britney.

The fallen pop tart's erratic performance at the MTV VMA's last week has some fearing she's heading for a breakdown. I'd have a breakdown too if I saw that nasty mess passing for hair on my head. The theories of why Spears bombed so spectacularly are many, and you can pretty much take your pick. Kevin made her do it, Criss Angel made her do it, the drink made her do it...whatever she did, the reaction wasn't pretty.

"Critics compared Britney's embarrassingly unenergetic dance moves to the actions of an overweight child trying to get out of a swimming pool," Woman's Weekly reports.

New Weekly has even more from the weird, not wonderful, world of Britney. Sources report that the star has sex with staff watching, runs around the house naked, and collects cigarette butts in her purse. There doesn't seem any way this story can have a happy ending...

The only thing more boring than a story about Oprah is the one-two Oprah-Doctor Phil combo. Snorefest! The New Idea leads with the tale of Oprah being the 'other woman' in the decline of Dr Phil's 31-year-old marriage. Puh-lease. There's only one lover that girl is a slave to, and that is fried chicken.

After Pavarotti's passing, things are starting to get ugly for the family of the tubby Italian tenor. His dietician confirms that the relationship between Pavarotti and his former mistress had become increasingly rocky before his death. I don't know who gets what, but if there was anyone who should have been putting in the hard yards at the dietician it was that guy.

Anna Julienne from Shortland Street has a boyfriend. The actress, who plays Maia spent a date with her boyfriend in the early days getting their moles burned off together. All together now....eeeeew.

Nicky Watson and Aja Rock are snapped at an 'exclusive' Auckland nightclub in the back of the Woman's Day. Call me a nitpicker, but it's not like we're in London or New York. If you have shoes on and can stand up straight you're pretty much through the door at most Auckland nightclubs.

And that's all from the mags this week!