Blegh! Can I just say how much I think Lindsay Lohan made a rank Marilyn Monroe in the bombshell's revamped final photoshoot?

It's the worst one I've seen since a pinch-faced Liz Hurley tried her luck as Marilyn. La Lohan worked with the same photographer that snapped Marilyn in 1962, but poor Bert Stern. He must know as well as anyone that old adage rings true, that you can't polish a turd.

Oh yes I know, before you lot all go off on one I don't look like Marilyn Monroe either, blahblahblah. But Marilyn had something special behind the eyes that the camera just adored. Lindsay just looked weird. And where'd they get that wig, from the John Travolta School of Hair Design?

Scandal in the zoo! According to New Idea, all is not well at the Irwin's home with the animals. She of the perpetually khaki, Terri Irwin, and the Crocodile Hunter's father Bob are at loggerheads over the way the zoo is run.

Bob founded the zoo, but has been banned from it by Terri after raising concerns about its future direction. Bob wants its focus to remain on conservation and research, while he think Terri's too focused on daughter Bindi's showbiz career.

I'd be worried too. That Bindi Irwin gives me the willies. And I'm not the only one! She's so...composed, like a tiny, crocodile-loving cyborg. Or a Fembot! Without the machine gun boobies yet, cause she's only nine. They'll come in time.

Villain of the week is one of my most disliked celebs, Liz Hurley. Is there anything redeeming about this woman? Her husband's loaded and she's not short of a bob or two, yet they've hit the headlines for paying their maid a measly $2.90 an hour.

They'll fly hundreds of people to India for their wedding, but can't stump up minimum wage for their maid? Tightarses! Violet D'Souza was brought over to Britain by Liz's hubby Arun Nayar and her duties included "babysitting, cooking and cleaning from 7:30 in the morning until up to 3am the next day."

I have no maid, but even I know you don't mess with the hired help. That's why I'm always sweet as pie to waiters. Give them some attitude and you know you're ending up with a big loogie stirred through your pumpkin soup. Liz has probably been eating Violet's phlegm for months, and it serves her right.

Nerida Jantti-Lister-Cortese (I'm a bit confused as to her changing last name, so covering all bases) graces the front of the New Idea this week, and it's no coincidence with the new series of Dancing With The Stars on the telly.

Nerida reveals she suffered scoliosis, a curvature of the spine which went undetected until her late teens. But on she dances, juggling her back problems with partnering Monty Betham in the new series of DWTS and being a mum to 10 month-old-son Kees.

Oh baby! New Idea has all the shots of Christina Aguilera and newborn son Max which People magazine bought in the US. Miz Aguilera was apparently fuming when the magazine sales fizzed, failing to sell the normal amount of issues People normally flogs, let alone more.

Aren't people interested in celeb's baby pics anymore? I certainly am! I can't wait to see the little Lopez-Anthony twins (pics of which People is said to have snapped up for a mammoth US$6m).

But where's Nicole Richie's Harlow? Me thinks she's wanting a bit much cash and no one's prepared to stump it up. I mean, she's B-list and he's D-list at best.

The baby is too cute, but I have a beef for Christina re the nursery. The focal point of little Max's bedroom is an evil looking ceiling-high crescent moon, a leftover over prop from Christina's tour. Damn! I wouldn't want that thing looking at me when I went to sleep at night, and I'm creaking up the hill to 30! It's the stuff little kid's nightmares are made of.

New mummy Aguilera is also featured inside WHO as the mag runs a front page feature on ?The Most Talked-About New Bodies.' Christina's gargantuan new cleavage rates a mention, as does Katie Holmes' rapidly shrinking frame, Nicole Richie's amazing post-baby body and Kate Hudson's boobs.

You'll find too-cute family snaps of the Jolie-Pitts inside the New Idea, larking about on a California ski field the week before Angelina Jolie bared her already-substantial baby bump on the carpet at a weekend awards show. That twins rumour could turn out to be true! Pax had the time of his life zooming down the mountain on an inflatable ring, while Zahara chilled out with a lollipop and Shiloh stayed rugged up on the sidelines with Mummy.

But while she didn't ski, Angie has no intention of slowing down her schedule due to her pregnancy. "Ange refuses to let fatigue dictate her schedule. She says that there are pregnant women who work in the fields for 10 hours a day and feels guilty for even thinking about complaining."

More fool you, Angie. You should be glad you have the choice not to toil in the fields, not feel guilty. You bequeathed Mr and Mrs Smith on to the masses after all. It was your gift to them! Oh wait, that movie sucked. You should feel guilty. Donate them an Oscar or something, and get on with your day.

Kate Middleton has been dubbed ?Waity Katy' by the British press as she waits for Prince William to propose, the Woman's Day would have you believe. The Prince has been in military training since New Year and apparently Kate mooches around London, waiting for him to come home.

More disturbing is the snippet about Kate's mum Carole, who is busy making wedding plans for her daughter, and "believed to have a photo of Wills as the screensaver on her cellphone." Is that just weird, a total jinx, or both?

Rocking Rod Stewart was in town last week, and the Day snapped Penny snapping Rod's photo by the Scotland Street sign in Freeman's Bay. Penrod (yeah, that kind of sucks, but I'm keeping it) hung out at Mission Bay, stayed at the Westin Hotel at the Viaduct, and their kid went to Kelly Tarlton's. Rod's notoriously stingy, so I bet they kept the entrance fee to Kelly Tarlton's a secret from Daddy.

Studio execs are worried that Jessica Simpson is spending too much time with footy player boyfriend Tony Romo and not enough on her country album. For once, I think Jessica is doing the right thing. Focus on your man honey, and lay off the record, for the good of us all!

?Stranger Than Fiction' is the title blaring out from the Woman's Weekly on Daniel Day-Lewis. ?Reclusive' and ?eccentric' are the words bandied around about the 50-year-old Irish star who just won his second Best Actor Oscar for his role in There Will Be Blood.

When he's not working, Daniel likes to ride his bike around the Wicklow mountains near his Irish home, stop in for a quiet Guinness at the pub, and indulge in a little woodwork and shoemaking. I don't get the passion for DIY shoes. But isn't it a nice change from coke snorting, drunk driving, fanny flashing pastimes of a lot of the rest of Hollywood?

And that's all from the mags this week!