Let's not beat around the bush here. Celebrities are, for the most part, rich. Loaded! They can afford Miami mansions, Rolls Royces, and handbags worth tens of thousands of dollars apiece. They earn in a few months more money than most of us will see in our lives.

So the thing that grinds my gear is why are the people roaming round Tinseltown continually given so much free stuff?

The sucky thing for us civilians, and it seems to always ring true, is that the higher your profile means the more likely people are going to want to give you things. As your profile rises, obviously, do does your income. But if you can afford to get this stuff on your own, would you really appreciate it?

I can't be too miffed - in our line of work we're lucky to get a few perks along the way, for which I am eternally grateful (and completely open to bribery, leave your contact details below!) A gratis gift is always one most appreciated in the Higgins household. The difference is I am but a humble writer on a humble writer's wage, not a zillionaire dripping in diamonds and loading my loot into the back of a Lamborghini.

The celebrity recipients and those thrusting free gifts at them (commonly known as 'swag') foster a symbiotic relationship in which loot is exchanged. Celebrities like free stuff - and let's face it, who doesn't? Suppliers and marketers want to give their free stuff to people in the spotlight. That way if Johnny Rainbow is snapped in a pair of Versace sunglasses outside the Ivy or John Q. Celeb wears a certain swanky brand of snowboarding jacket on the mountains of Utah, their brand gets the exposure -advertising money can't buy. For many companies that in itself is worth the price of the goods they have to give away.

Now some of this swagging is very dignified. For many years presenters at the Academy Awards and Best Actor and Best Actress nominees were given special gifts as a 'thank you' for their work or in recognisance of their achievements. Companies used to fight tooth and nail to get their goodies in those particular swag bags, and by the sounds they were well worth receiving, with over US$50,000 worth of stuff inside.

Sure, there would be plenty of stuff you could wear, but much more besides - everything from holidays in the Caribbean, teeth whitening treatments, Blackberries, exercise equipment, new beverages, legwarmers for your baby, Botox vouchers...the list goes on.

This gravy train rolled along nicely until mid-2006, when the American tax department declared celebrity swag given out at the Oscars as a legitimate form of income and demanded that actors and actresses pay tax on the loot if it totalled more than US$11,000. Rather than have their beloved talent stuck with a tax bill at the end of the year, the Academy chose to show their gratitude ?in other ways.' All above board, I hope!

But then there's the other kind of swagging, the free for alls where literally every man and his dog can get his mitts on some stuff. Think D-list celebs, publicists, journalists, and all sorts of hangers on. These exist at film festivals and in the lead up to big entertainment events, like the Golden Globes or the announcement of new American TV lineups.

In this case marketing companies hire out an exclusive venue, bring together a few companies with plenty of gear ripe for the picking, and invite plenty of celebs. Some won't turn up. Some, graciously, will decline the goodies. Others will take them and give them to charity. Plenty end up in the hands of assistants or siblings.

There are some celebs, though, who suddenly morph from size-6 waif-like blondes into evil swag-sucking harpies, getting their hands on as much stuff as they can grab. Most of the time suppliers are cool with that - after all, better having one person wearing your stuff than no one, right?

Paris Hilton is happy to pose with product, but apparently her capacity for taking free stuff is legendary. Why did you think she turns up at Sundance year after year? No one's celebrating her cinematic body of work, that's for sure.

Here you'll find 'celebs' like Kim Kardashian, David Boreanaz (that guy that used to play Angel on Buffy), DJ Qualls (the skinny guy from Road Trip, and Rumer Willis. The first person to tell me what Rumer Willis has actually done career wise which has deemed her worthy to be showered in free loot gets a prize.

Debra Messing of Will & Grace fame is another renowned swag grabber, mentioned in more than one gossip blog for her voracious appetite for free stuff.

Lindsay Lohan is another known for being a bit grabby. She hit up some swag suites in New York in 2007 celebrating the new fall season of US TV. Lindsay's not on TV, but that didn't stop her picking up seven pairs of sunglasses, one for each day of the week, from one manufacturer. Apparently La Lohan wears each pair once and then banishes them to the sad land of mortals and those of us who only have one or two pairs, and wear them multiple times.

It's not a bottle of water and a free CD they're getting here, people. At swag-fests like the Sundance Film Festival and Cannes, celebs can get their hands on perfume made from diamond dust, trips to Tahiti, Kenya and the Caribbean, laptops, lingerie, and even long-term leases on SUVs. Stuff celebrities could easily afford to buy for themselves.

Basic rules apply. Take one of each thing, be gracious about it, and pose for a picture with said loot. That's the way it works. Some celebs of course think they're above being gracious, and insist on taking the loot while refusing to pose for publicity pictures.

Teri Hatcher is one of these. Suprisingly too, is Joaquin Phoenix. I would have though more of him, wouldn't you?

Rich people don't need free stuff! Poor people do. And it turns out some celebs agree with me.

The always classy George Clooney gave his 2006 Oscars swag bag to charity, fetching US$45,100 at a charity auction. Brad and Angelina took swag at the recent Toronto Film Festival solely to give away. Ryan Reynolds and Keanu Reeves won't accept free stuff, while Forest Whitaker was more interested in what he could give to charity rather than what he could get at the Golden Globes swag suite in 2007.

Turns out people with money can also have class after all.