Pick up any woman's magazine round January time and you'll see that the stars make just as many resolutions for the start of a new year as the rest of us. They're normally boring ones like "learn to cook" and "discover myself." But what resolutions should they really be sticking to? I've got a few suggestions as to what the celebs should be trying to adopt this year.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Little ladies, try purchasing a caffeinated beverage from somewhere other than Starbucks. You'll be glad you did, trust.

Lindsay Lohan. Lindsay love, you had a tumultuous year - what with drunken driving, being busted for drug possession and several stints in rehab. Not to mention I Know Who Killed Me. I've deduced all these problems seemed to crop up when you ceased being a redhead. Reverting back to the red could be the answer to all your problems.

Katie Holmes. Girl, wherever you left your personality behind when you hooked up with Tom Tom, please, go and get it. And quit with taking up his vocab. If I hear you describe anything as 'amazing' 'wonderful' or 'magical' I am going to vomit. And while I'm at it, quit dressing like a wealthy gin-swilling 45-year-old.

(Okay, that's a lot of resolutions for Katie, I admit).

Eva Longoria. Please spare us a year of announcing that you're 'not pregnant.' (We didn't ask!) And there is such a thing as too much information.

Britney Spears. Britney, Britney, Britney. I don't have enough room in this blog to suggest all the things you could do to improve your life, but I will give you this. Everything which strikes you as a good idea to do, just stop. Then do the opposite.

Victoria Beckham. Gotta love that fierceness, but a plate of nachos wouldn't go astray, Vic.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Have another baby before you break up, you two, and share your superior genes with the world once more!

Mariah Carey. Keep on being crazy, honey! We love your kooky ass just the way you are. The world needs crazy and you have the double impact of keeping airbrushers and Photoshop experts in business.

Will Smith. For the love of Xenu, Mr Smith. You may be a big movie star but please stop Tom Cruise crashing your party this year. You've picked up the Tom Cruise finger waggle when you're out in public, and it's starting to creep me out.

Jennifer Aniston. Find a nice guy. Make a good movie.

Jessica Alba. You're hanging on to the title of Most Interesting Jessica In Hollywood by a very thing thread. Quit moaning about other actors, and stop bagging out your Mexican heritage.

Paris Hilton. Hire a driver, keep your mouth shut, and pony up on your 'changed woman' promise to do charity work.

What resolutions would you bestow on celebs for 2008? Tell me about them below.