In news that will make you want to strike yourself deaf, it sounds like Paris Hilton hasn't quite given up on the music biz after the disastrous release of her debut album in 2006. The airhead heiress has been blogging (or threatening) a new album for some time, but it now turns out boyfriend Benji Madden has a hand in this madness.

Hilton's album received such review gems as these upon release, fully giving critics the opportunity to flex their poison pens.

"She sings like a woman who has heard of something called singing, can't be sure of exactly what it might entail, but is fairly certain you do something a bit like this."

"As with global warming and the handgun crisis, future generations will judge us harshly for not preventing Paris Hilton's music career while there was still time."

Like an omelette in a can and an electric bath sponge, a new Paris album is a very bad idea.

"Well, actually I have a studio at the house," says Paris. "He [Benji] actually helped me write some of the songs for my new album, and for the BFF show. He's a really amazing talent, songwriter and singer."

 And what about a duet? Like Sonny and Cher, only without the looks, talent, or public adoration? "Yes, definitely. When the show comes out."

Great. I would rather a family of cockroaches set up their many-layered nest inside my ear canal than have to listen to another Paris Hilton album. Perhaps she could take a hint from the SPCA CD single that came out at Christmas, and make music only dogs can hear?

Ho Couture

Those of you more trashy than flashy will be thrilled to know that Tara Reid has launched a clothing line. The D-list actress was on hand to pimp the range, called Mantra, at a trade fair in Las Vegas recently. The wares weren't clearly on display, but chances are they're in lurid fluoro colours, relatively relaxed in the keeping-your-breasts-covered department, and boast a handy pouch in which to stash your vodka cocktail.

The future of Denise's show? It's Complicated

Blessed word that Denise Richards' turd of a reality show, It's Complicated, is cancelled could be a bit premature. After reports that viewer numbers plummeted following a strong debut for Richards' show on the E! Channel, the network issued this statement.

"The show has not been cancelled - the series had performed well for the network and decisions are still being made regarding a second season."

The only person I'll miss off that show isn't Denise, or her brown-nosing friends. It's Irv! God bless Irv Richards. That man should be up for a sainthood.

Decisions, decisions

Some decisions are almost too good to make. Like who would you rather see get a smack in the chops, professional deadbeat Kevin Federline or big mouthed celebrity dad Michael Lohan? Don't make me choose! Okay, I'd like Michael Lohan to get a punch in the face. Only because there's plenty of others that will give one to Kevin for me.

A 'celebrity' (and I use that term loosely) boxing match was the brainchild of Papa Lohan himself.

"Everyone wants me to fight K-Fed because he's a notorious celebrity dad and so am I," Michael told OK! magazine. "It's for charity."

Douche vs douche! Let's hope this one pans out.

Spotted

Bobby Brown caught ordering a double Grey Goose vodka from an LAX bar at 8:30am - and not leaving a tip...Russell Crowe, in an unflattering Rabbitohs fleece, strolling through Sydney...Kelly Osbourne leaving her London home sporting a massive black eye...Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise out in New York wearing matching jeans...Anne Hathaway arriving in Denver for the Democratic National Convention...Brad Pitt in Venice for the city's film festival with sons Maddox and Pax...